Why Perfectionism Is Poison in Education
By Les Huysmans
The other day I was talking to some parents who asked me for advice regarding their daughter. The girl in question is sharp, diligent and, according to the traditional mindset in Thai schools, generally a perfect student. Specifically, she is a self-orientated perfectionist – absolutely no mistakes in her assignments.
Perfectionism is still seen by many as the ultimate goal in education, including many of the parents. Thailand is not the only country where such expectations are present in schools, but it is fair to say that it is the norm, rather than the exception, here, so instead of combating it, it is often encouraged.
You might think: “doing the best you can is not a bad way to approach things for a student”, and I would not disagree. There is a big difference though, between doing your best or aiming high, and setting (or imposing) unusually high expectations. There are studies that suggest setting high (but achievable) expectations is beneficial, provided the student is mature enough and has the right mentality. The girl I mentioned is 11, though, several years away from university age, and not really able to realise all the pitfalls of perfectionism. Therefore, when her work is reviewed and it turns out that she did make mistakes, she is really down and questions herself.
Long term effects of this approach can range from suffering from self-doubt, over badly adjusting socio-emotionally, to – ironically – performing worse academically. Procrastination is more likely, as are avoidance and self-blame when confronted with negative results. In the worst cases, this can lead to extreme stress and anxiety, and even suicidal tendencies.
So the parents asked me how they could avoid her feeling so bad when she makes a mistake. The problem with that situation is that it results from unrealistic expectations. If the girl were in her 20s and if the expectations were related to her student or professional life, maybe that would work. For an 11-year-old student doing homework, not so much.
For starters, it can help younger students later in life if they are taught how to cope with pressures, expectations, and the unhealthy aspects of perfectionism.
Secondly, when you are 11, you should be making mistakes, since that is how you learn to get better. You make the mistakes, figure out what went wrong, decide on a new potential solution and try again. And you should enjoy the mistakes, because if you look at them in that way, instead of getting frustrated, you might see the often funny side of messing up, and get buoyed by the feeling of getting closer to getting it right.
As parents, there are two ways to improve the mindset, when helping with homework, or when noticing a mistake in general. The first is to draw the children’s attention to what they did right, and praise them for it. That feeling of positivity will be something to aim for from then onwards. It will also build their self-confidence. The ultimate aim is for the mentality of ‘making mistakes is bad, it needs to be perfect’ to fade away. This is then to be replaced by a much healthier, problem-solving mindset.
The second aim, and this might be more difficult for parents, is to not tell your child the solution, if they ask to help or when noticing something wrong. Ask them whether they can see a problem. If not, guide them closer to the correct area, by asking questions like “can you read this for me”, or “in situations like this, what should we use?” until they see the problem.
After that, let them take charge in finding the solution. If your child expects you to provide the answer, say that you may need some help from them, and again ask questions which gradually narrow down the potential solutions (assuming you actually know them yourself :)). This again ensures your child has a feeling of accomplishment, while also helping to strengthen problem-solving skills.
The era of the behaviourist teacher dispensing knowledge in front of the classroom, expecting students to quietly absorb this knowledge and then miraculously understand it and be able to apply it, should have been over for many years. With enough support and understanding from parents and teachers, our children’s mindsets can change, along with expectations.
If this sparked anything — questions, rants, good old curiosity — come say hi via the About Les page.