Parents, Let Your Children Be Bored – It’s Good for Them
By Les Huysmans
I sometimes see parents in shopping malls or supermarkets, and their kids nearly always have what a friend of mine the other day referred to as a “digital grandmother” — i.e. a phone or tablet — in their hands. It appears children need to be kept busy at all times, probably so that parents can do their shopping in peace, or have a reasonably quiet drive home. That appears to be the idea, and it worries me.
Despite that intro, I am not trying to pick on parents here. I know how difficult it can be at times. You have a full day of work, and then still have to take care of the food and a million other things, while also making sure the kids don’t set the house on fire. It can be very draining. However, I do think that with some effort, it is not necessary to rely on the digital grandmother so often.
In my opinion, much depends on your approach, and the line in the sand you have drawn regarding your child’s behaviour. There have been sufficient studies done over the last decade or so, regarding the negative results of giving your child too much screen time.
If your child knows that throwing tantrums in the car or in the shopping mall means you will be handing over your phone or tablet to avoid other people’s stares, to bring the noise down, or both, then it will quickly learn to do this again.
On the other hand, if that same behaviour will result in what the child sees as unpleasant consequences, either immediately or soon after, it may well reconsider. If you are reading this as a parent, and you are thinking “that is all fine and well, but how do I change things when my child is already hooked on that device?”, here are some real-world suggestions.
Start off with explaining a change in device policy, e.g. they can have the tablet only in certain circumstances and time periods, and the phones are off-limits from now on. The shopping mall is no longer one of those places. It helps if you actually leave the device in the car, so there is no doubt (and no temptation). Also, a general reduction in device usage would give a positive sign towards your child, which means it helps if you send the right signals by using your phone and tablet less in front of them. Spending some more time doing other things together is a double win.
Other solutions are to encourage your child to explore other options, like reading, drawing, singing or coming up with their own games, which might involve you. Creating something of your own can be a great feeling, and when your child presents the results, make sure to praise them for their efforts. Some of these may work better than others, depending on your personal circumstances and the location. You can provide some of these options yourself, and if you do, consider choosing something that is not really compatible with holding a device in your hand anyway.
However, the best advice I can give you is that it is OK to do nothing sometimes. This means, you are NOT your child’s entertainment centre. Let your child lift up its head, instead of burying it in a game. Let them look around, and wonder why things are the way they are. Let them touch things, talk to people, ask lots of questions. And if they do not feel like any of these, let them be bored!
Boredom is good for them. It shows them that in real life, things do not always go the way we plan them, and not everything is fun and games. When you let them be bored, they will initially try to get you to provide a distraction, as you are the easiest way to get what they want. However, if you resist long enough, they will eventually give up and try to find something else to keep themselves busy — and when that happens, you are on the right track (provided, again, if it's not the house being set on fire). Boredom promotes creativity, imagination and independence, all great skills for your child when they grow up.
Give it a go. Stick to your guns, even if it is uncomfortable at the start. Make sure you talk a lot to your child, and as much as possible, explain the why of everything. Even if they do not like it, this will make the transition easier. I know it works from personal experience. Good luck!
If this sparked anything — questions, rants, good old curiosity — come say hi via the About Les page.